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Hey my friends’a
If I were you I’d do what Bernie says’a
Hey my friends’a
If I were you I’d do what Bernie says’a

Pulled up at a light, saw a lady in a fight with a cop, dressed in blue,
She was yelling in Spanish, and was getting kinda frantic, tried to see what I could do.

I said Hola señorita, my name is Peter, love to help, if I may,
She said mi nombre es Teresa, he is loco en la cabeza, y yo no me sé la ley.
So I said, Hey Teresa, if I were you I would do what Bernie says’a.
Hey Teresa, if I were you I would do what Bernie says’a.

Drove off feeling great, ’cause I got me a date, now I’m headed to the mall,
Yep, I’m smiling and singing when my phone starts ringing, tell Siri to take the call.
Turns out, its Fred and he’s losing his head ’cause the cops went and took him away,
No he couldn’t calm down, so they took him downtown, and now he’s gonna have to pay.
I said Fred what ya doing, it don’t seem like you to be scrapping and stirring the hive,
He said Man I was cruisin’ but these cops, they ‘abusin’, I was only going 55.
So I said Hey’a Fred’a, if I were you I’d do what Bernie says’a
Hey’a Fred’a, if I were you I’d do what Bernie says’a.

Sometimes stuff happens, when you least expect,
And the law’s gotcha in a bind,
But now you got a friend who will step in for ya, save you money, AND some time.
Just call ol’ Bernie, let him hook ya up, he’ll know just what to do,
He’ll straighten things out, put to rest your doubts, and you won’t be feelin’ blue.

See the moral of the story is you don’t have to worry when the law’s got you feeling upset.
If you find yourself in trouble and need a lawyer on the double I’d just do what Bernie says.

Hey my friends’a
If I were you I’d do what Bernie says’a
Hey my friends’a
If I were you I’d do what Bernie says’a

No se preocupe, se  habla español.

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Lyrics courtesy of Peter Batista.